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CHRIS BILES
At That Point
originally published by Bourgeon Online
You are at that point:
"A moment that changes
all moments that follow."
You face a door
painted
onto the brick wall
of an alleyway.
But on the other side
is not the room that rests
behind the brick.
Instead: a void
an abyss
darkness of unknown depth.
You were once told
by a ghost
her lips in your hair
words tickling your ear
to, “turn your head to the living.”
But leaning forward
you raise your arm
finger tips touch
cool, wet black paint: the door.
In your ear now again
her whisper
"Leave us here. Turn your head to the living."
The strands of your hair
caught between her lips
pull away
then fall back
released.
Her breath
no longer in your ear
her whispers
receding back to memory.
Fingers seemingly stuck
draw back
leave the painted wall –
fall
taking your hand
heavy
down to your side
so heavy it brings you to your knees
broken alleyway glass
piercing through your jeans.
You cover your weeping eyes
push against them
with heels of trembling hands.
When next you look
tears spent
only the bricks remain.
You are at that point:
"A moment that changes
all moments that follow."
You are at that point:
shapeless space between
the beginning of a story and knowing
that a new story has begun.
You are at that point,
so close your eyes
and turn your face
to the sky.
Walk It Off
originally published by Bourgeon Online
Day, night, twilight, dusk, dawn:
each brings its own emotion
feeding the others
adding fuel
through confusion
until the power overwhelms
so walk it off
in these mountains that could rim the world
Walk it off in these mountains
tracing the ridgelines step by step
balancing on the edges of knives
walk down those blades
walk with the pain:
the only choice
because you put yourself here
reeling in it
with doubt
with hate
with anger
But life is too full of regret
so why add your own destruction?
Why not listen to the rocks?
They’ve been sitting
in never-ending
meditation
attempting to understand
the momentary caresses
of the clouds
ask them
how to fill a lifetime
with the feeling
of fleeting fluttering wings
and wind against their cheeks
ask them
about acceptance
as the diaphanous face of daylight's moon
becomes one
with the scattered clouds
of this melancholy morning
We are only what the world makes us
so let it all in
walk it off
in these mountains
carry on
Help
Don’t be afraid to ask for a crutch
when your foot falls off, and you lose
the will to move forward.
You can't always do it on your own.
Like the moon can't shine
without the sun, can't change
without the movement of the earth
in addition to its own movement,
you can't do it on your own.
And that cloud you breathe in the cold air
can't form without you. You can create
substance. You are not invisible.
Learn a lesson from your shadow:
you cast one, wouldn’t be real
without you, wouldn’t be real
if not for the light that must somehow
be reaching you. Don’t be afraid
to hold the hand of another.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
After all,
often times the shoulders you wrap
your arm around for support only realize
their own strength when that weight
of another is there to hold.
Poet's Description for "Walk It Off"
​
This poem was originally written in the weeks and months following the sudden deaths of a few friends. It reflects on the ways that grief can overwhelm; on the responding need to move beneath the sky, to sweat, to see clouds of dirt billow up from your feet; on the fact that resilience through grief is defined by both patience for yourself and acceptance of the fact that you and your life will never be the same, but that's okay. We carry on, not ignoring what has changed us. We carry on to prevent our own destruction. We carry on feeling, listening, and eventually accepting.
Written by: Chris Biles
Painting: The Farm in Snow (Terry Harrison)
CHRIS BILES
​
Chris Biles currently lives and works in Washington D.C. She enjoys playing with the light and the dark, and losing herself in music, anything outside, and some words here and there. She is published by Neon Door, Bourgeon Online, Exeter Publishing, Evening Street Review, Haunted Waters Press, Yellow Arrow Publishing, Signatures Magazine, FleasOnTheDog, and others.
​
Website: chrisbiles03.com
Instagram: @marks.in.the.sand